The rivers of western Montana are roiling at the mere thought of a sixth onslaught of the Ignoble Ones of Group One, as best witnessed by the ravaging waters that are still plundering the shores of the Clark Fork of the Columbia River, The Big ("A River Runs Through It") Blackfoot River, and the Bitterroot River. Not in decades has so much water flowed at such heights for such a long and sustained period of time.
Local Missoula news sources are now reporting that the cause of this havoc is the threatened onslaught of wonderful reprobates of Extravaganza 2008's Group One, who are headlined by fishmates and long time veterans Bill "The Stick" Schneider (who will take a break from his exciting and rapidly unfolding Varsity Pix, LLC sports photography) and his boatmate, fresh back from falling into the chilly waters of Alaska, Channel Lumber CFO John "Waders" Reimann. Joining again in the Group One fray are likewise returning veterans ferrous metals expert Demetry "The Kiln" Kondrasheff and his boatmate Frank "The Ratatouille" Ratto and his internationally marketed hospital devices employer/manufacturer and undefeated 2007 Marin Catholic High School ("MCHS") freshman football coach John "The Krug" Kruger.
Who else, you ask, constitutes this unwisened, alcoholic beverage-driven group of Ones?? Why none other than returning San Rafael insurance veteran Mike "Oh So" Wise, his football playing son, Ben "Also" Wise, and, for the first time (of many) on the scene long time (as in decades) MCHS football coach Larry "Defense" Gondola and none other than 2006 Rookie of the Year, MCHS head coach Ken "Da Coach" Peralta [do I sense a common MCHS thread here?!?].
And just when you think, "Wow, that is enough chaos for one Group of One," joining the assembled multitude will be the dynamically pink duo of S.F. commercial realtor Brad "Pinko" Colton and the inimical Rich "Squawfish/Pink Panther" Kotoff of Marin Lock and Key fame. These two returning veterans are enough to clean our an entire river all by themselves and the stories of their past Extravaganza foibles are sufficient to fill an entire ship's log!
I thought that there was hope for some semblance of sanity, however, as this year we invited Montana's National Wildlife Federation Regional Representative, Land "Two If By Sea" Tawney (our Extravaganza 2008 Keynote Speaker), and his side kick, Montana Wildlife Federation's National Issue Chair "Big Ben" Lamb (our Extravaganza 2008 sub-keynote speaker), to join us and "calm down" the antics of Group One, but, based on the email banter between the three of us just this afternoon (NONE of which is suitable for Der Blog) any hopes in that regard are fully dashed! And, in further pursuit of that lofty (foolish) goal of Group One sanity, I even reached out into the (relative, that is) sanity of last year's Group Four to bring into the fold of Group One lawyers par excellence Jim "Take No Prisoner" Krieg and his wonderful wife Mary "Yellow Hat" Reilley, but, likewise, our email correspondence of this very afternoon likewise dashed those wistful hopes.
Rounding out this rough crowd however are two rookie fishermen: Orion Partners realtor extraordinaire Bill Hart and, by gosh, Dave "The Blogmaster" himself, but, alas, upon reflection even though these two are the soundest of the Ones, no overall recovering One redemption is to be found there!
What is the solution to all of this Oneishness, you ask?? Well, we are going to Oneishly and Pinkishly trash a new river, for, just moments ago, I got off the phone with head guide and outfitter Drew Miller and, folks, it is now official: For the first time in Extravaganza history, begin to hear the Group One chant of "TO THE MO WE GO", "TO THE MO WE GO" ... for BOTH of Group One's fishing days (our guides will overnight there) will, indeed, be on the Mo. [Image with me, if you would, the quaint, under spoken Craig, MT dinner conversation this coming Saturday evening while the Ones are winding their way back over the Continental Divide for Kocktail Kathy's continental cuisine: "Did you hear all that ruckus on the Mo today?", "Who WERE those folks anyway?", "Did you see those two guys--they were actually wearing PINK fishing hats?", and ..."Honey, the word on the river is that they are coming back here for a SECOND day--lock up the children, dear!!"]
Well, there it is gang: The Official Starting Line Up for Group One for the long-awaited and now upcoming Extravaganza 2008 ("starting line up", that is, because it is always questionable with Group One just how many will either actually finish the Extravaganza or remember that they did!
Best to all from the scene of it all,
Rock Creek Ron
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